Blog brighterbeginningstherapy.co.uk

Let me tell you a story about shame

This story is about a 40-something woman who has spent years, more than a decade in fact, feeling deeply shamed about so many things because of domestic abuse. The 40-something woman is me, by the way, in case you were wondering. In the 5 years that I spent in my DV situation, I lied about what was happening, I hid what we were going through, and I completely ignored the effects it was having on my mental health, physical health, finances, my son and even my dog. Domestic violence is any emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in a couple relationship […]

A narcissist doesn’t move on to someone better…

…they move on to someone who hasn’t figured out their bullshit yet. Narcissistic abusers use a cycle of idealisation, devaluation, discard and hoovering. In a romantic relationship, this can be done concurrently with more than one partner, moving onto their next target starting with the idealisation phase whilst keeping their discarded partner at arm’s length but easy to hoover back when needed. This ensures that they have a constant supply of attention, money and a place to live. Idealisation phase This is the love-bombing phase of the cycle. You are their shiny new plaything, they make you feel amazing with […]

Memory loss after narcissistic abuse

You know that feeling that you’ve forgotten to lock the front door or switch the oven off? That feeling in your gut that you’ve forgotten something really important? When you’re in an abusive relationship with a partner or as part of a family dynamic then that is amplified. You have to be hypervigilant so you can anticipate the next move of the abuser. When you are constantly focusing on their needs and what might be coming next you start to forget other things. Maybe you put the TV remote in the fridge (true story), forget to lock doors when you […]

Happy new year 2024 from Lisa at Brighter Beginnings Therapy

Happy New Year 2024 Wishing you a safe and peaceful start to 2024 from me, Lisa, at Brighter Beginnings Therapy. If 2023 saw you in survival mode just trying to get through each hour, day, week, and month in an emotionally abusive relationship then I wish you a safe and peaceful start to the new year. If you are in or have left an abusive relationship then I wish this for you even more. I hope that 2024 sees you finding yourself again, regaining your self-worth and feeling what it is to live and thrive despite the abuse of your […]

5 things to remember heading into the New Year

5 things to remember as we head into the new year. The new year is traditionally the time we make New Year’s resolutions, a practice dating back to Babylonian times, apparently. Did you know that, according to ‘research’ (google) 23% of people quit their resolution by the end of the first week and 43% by the end of January? So, 5 things to remember as we head into the new year: New Year’s resolutions, whilst they might feel empowering, are set by you, can be broken by you and only you are accountable. If you don’t want to set any, […]

Narcissistic abusers ruin special occasions.

Many narcissistic abusers want to be the centre of attention, even the covert ones. They may not seem to be trying to draw attention to themselves, but they do so by ruining special occasions for others using tactics such as: Start an argument on the morning of the special occasion so they can give you the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Not acknowledging the special occasion with a card or present or getting a gift and expecting the recipient to be extremely grateful that they even bothered. Concocting a drama or inventing an illness to scupper […]

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