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Narcissistic abusers ruin special occasions.
Many narcissistic abusers want to be the centre of attention, even the covert ones. They may not seem to be trying to draw attention to themselves, but they do so by ruining special occasions for others using tactics such as: Start an argument on the morning of the special occasion so they can give you the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Not acknowledging the special occasion with a card or present or getting a gift and expecting the recipient to be extremely grateful that they even bothered. Concocting a drama or inventing an illness to scupper […]
Flying monkeys
Have you heard the term flying monkeys when referring to narcissist behaviour? Flying monkeys were characters in The Wizard of Oz who did the bidding of the wicked Witch of the West. And narcissists surround themselves with people who do their bidding, hence the term flying monkeys. These are people who will do the bidding of the narcissistic abuser such as reporting back as spies, siding with them in disagreements and spreading rumours. They tend to be groomed by the narcissist and will have been fed their version of what has gone on in your relationship with them. How can […]
What does change look like in therapy?
Starting counselling can be scary: fear of the unknown, wanting to change but being afraid of what that can look like. Change looks different in everyone, sometimes it can be a sudden whoosh of realisation, a lightbulb moment when something becomes clear and it causes a monumental shift in their thinking, their focus, their entire way of being. But more often than not it is a gradual change that clients cannot always see. When clients ask me when they will feel better I ask them to think back to when we first started our sessions together and compare their feelings […]
The mask narcissists wear to fool us all
As a trauma therapist, many of my clients come to their sessions burdened with shame, most often the shame of not seeing their abusive partner for who they were right at the start. They tell me that they saw red flags but chose to ignore them, or thought they could change them, or were even flattered by the love-bombing that inevitably takes place at the beginning. Emotionally abusive people, those with narcissistic traits, wear a mask. This mask is designed to confuse you, it is designed to present a version of themselves that you will fall in love with. But it […]
What gaslighting can sound like
Gaslighting is a common technique used by abusers to make you doubt your feelings and perceptions. It is a deliberate manipulation that can leave you feeling confused, hurt, scared and can affect not only your emotions but your memory, sleep, anxiety levels and even make you doubt your sanity. Over time, this gaslighting erodes your self-worth because the more you doubt yourself, the more you lose who you were and the easier your abuser can control you. Here are some common phrases abusers use when gaslighting: “You’re being crazy.” Making you doubt your sanity and your memories, undermining what you […]
I wish my clients could see themselves the way I see them.
When I was training to be a psychotherapist we learned a lot about Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR), a cornerstone of person-centred therapy. I didn’t really understand it, it’s a fairly vague concept in theory, it wasn’t until I had hundreds of client hours of experience that I truly felt like I got it. UPR is, in essence, the professional and therapeutic ‘love’ that I have for my clients. Every single one of my clients, past and present, are profoundly amazing, brave, wonderful, messy beings because we are all human and humans are complicated. And I wish that my clients could […]
© Lisa Furnish
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